While a lot of school counselors are intimidated by the idea of running small groups, I LOVE them. Group services are the most effective use of my time, and kids are always relieved and happy to find that other students have many of the same struggles. I fill most of the direct service slots on my schedule with small groups.
     In my 25 years in a school setting, I’ve learned a lot about what works (and even more about what doesn’t). Here are my top ten tips for setting up and running your counseling groups.

1. Group students by issue. Twenty-five years ago, all my groups were simply called “social skills” (translation: we’d play games and practice good sportsmanship). For ease of  scheduling, I grouped kids according to their homeroom or grade. Now that I’m actually trying to teach a range of social-emotional skills, I group kids by what they need to work on. My most common groups are: emotional regulation, anxiety management, Social Thinking©, and “social superheroes.” Once I determine who needs which type of group, I try to combine personalities that will work well together.

2. Consider co-ed or multi-grade groups. They provide opportunities for interaction between kids who wouldn’t normally spend time together. This is almost always a good thing.

3. Create your overall group plan before the first session. This isn’t hard if you’re using a purchased curriculum. If you’re more of the “spontaneous” type who likes to wing it from one week to the next, make sure you take notes so the next time you run this kind of group you already have a head start. The one thing you don’t want is to be running around 10 minutes before you pick up the kids, going, “Crap, what are we going to do today?” Disorganization is the enemy of a successful session!

4. Limit the group to 6, 8, or 10 weeks instead of having it last the whole school year. It forces you to be more deliberate with your limited time together, and a rotating schedule gives you a chance to service more children in a small-group setting. You can always roll high-needs kids over into the next round of groups.

5. Try to avoid lunch groups, unless they are purely social or a way for you to establish relationships with particular students. You cannot teach skills like emotional regulation, or do writing or craft activities with kids who are trying to eat their lunch.

6. Include role model students. Plural. If your group is four or more (and I never have more than 6 in a group; four is my preferred number), I include at least two role models. If it’s a group targeting students on the Autism spectrum, I include more. Listen to the voice of experience here: everyone, including you—especially you—will enjoy themselves much more if the entire group doesn’t sink to the lowest common denominator.

These last four should be self-evident, but I’ll lay them out anyway:

7. Make sure you obtain signed permission for every student you plan on taking. If you’re recruiting a child as a role model, write it on the permission slip (as well as how long the group lasts, when it will meet, etc.). Parents are always flattered that their child is considered a role model for others; I’ve never had one deny permission. I also ask for permission to photograph and video students.

8. Set up some quick and easy way of communicating to teachers and parents what you did each week and how each student did. That way they can reinforce concepts outside of the group setting. Keep a copy for yourself too.  Because data.

9. In your first session, let students know that sometimes you might have to miss a group because of a meeting or an emergency. I always assure them that I will never “forget” to pick them up, that I’ll try and let their teachers know beforehand if I’m going to miss or be late, and that I’ll add another week on the end so they will still get their allotted number of sessions.

10. HAVE FUN! I can’t stress enough how important this is. If you’re excited about the day’s activity and think it’s fun and interesting, the kids will too. Engaged children are happy and cooperative children who will devour everything you try to teach them and clamor for more.

Did I miss anything? What is your top tip for successful small groups?

One would guess, looking at my blog, that I'm a real data nerd.  I'm really not, but I do see the value in tracking certain information in order to be more efficient and effective in my job.

​At the start of the school year I posted about my SMART goal to provide more parent outreach.  I mentioned in that post that I was also going to start using a time tracker. I know there are several commercially available trackers, but since I'm never happy unless I'm reinventing the wheel, I made my own.

I'd never used spreadsheets in either Excel or Numbers.  The learning curve for Google Sheets was steep.  I figured out a lot through trial and error, and when I couldn't figure it out I asked the people at our iSchool. I now have a totally customized spreadsheet that has only the general headings and sub-categories I want.  The set-up makes sense to me and I made it pretty, which means I don't dread using it.  

We're now halfway through the year, and I've faithfully spent 5-10 minutes at the end of every day entering my numbers.  All I have to do is type the number of minutes I spent in each category. (I round them to 5-minute increments because I'm not that anal-retentive). The spreadsheet is set up to automatically add up each row, column, and general heading.  At the end of the year, I'll be able to easily compile it into a colorful pie chart to share.

Here's a link to a copy of my spreadsheet so you can see how I set it up. I've had to disable the sharing option, but at least you can use my example as a jumping-off point for your own.

So far I'm noticing some things that I wouldn't have noticed without tracking my time (like I actually do manage to get some planning time most days even though it feels like I never get my prep). You may also be surprised what you learn (and so might your administrator).  Give it a try.

It’s that time of year for SMART goals, so I’ve been reflecting on areas in which I need to improve.  While there are so many to choose from, I’ve decided that this year I’ll be focusing on improving my communication with parents.  It’s a big goal, so I’ve broken it down into some very actionable steps.  In fact, I can already check most of them off my to-do list!​

​Step 1: Parents need to know who I am and why I’m here.  So I spent a ridiculous amount of time updating my School Counseling brochure and making a tri-board. 

At Open House, instead of putting up a few signs pointing to my office and waiting there for people to show up (or not), I set up a table right in the foyer.  I had the tri-board, copies of the brochure, a stack of my business cards, some of my “self-calming and mindfulness tools” for people to take (pool noodle stress fidgets and Starburst candies), and a sign-up sheet for my parent e-newsletter.  Which brings us to...

Step 2: Parents might like to hear about what I’m up to at our school: what concepts and strategies I’m teaching in different classes, what kind of groups I’m running, and what school-wide initiatives I’m helping to organize. 

I decided I’ll write a parent e-newsletter they can subscribe to.  I’ll also include tips and resources for them to help their children develop social-emotional skills.  I’m planning on publishing the newsletter once a trimester.  That’s not as overwhelming as a monthly commitment, and I can always do more than that if I'm so inclined (I won't be).  I haven’t sent the first one out yet because I’m still trying to figure out Mailchimp, but I have set up a link for people to subscribe on my Google Drive.​  Don't sign up there, but if you want to get a copies of the newsletter when they go out, e-mail me and I'll put you on a non-school list.

While I don’t think Donald Trump is nearly as awesome as he thinks he is, he is clearly the winner in this department.  He gets tons of airplay because of his entertainment value.  You have to watch because he’s so monstrously unpredictable.  Is there nothing this guy won’t say? It's like word-vomit. But what he, his opponents, his supporters, and the media all either don’t understand (doubtful) or just don't care about (probable) is the fact that Donald Trump is the most terrible role model imaginable.  He is making my job as a school counselor much, much harder.

Mature adults (and I admit I don’t always qualify) believe it’s our mission to teach the children in our care to be kind and responsible citizens.  There are many social skills involved and a certain amount of brain development required, so we spend a lot of time in public school teaching and modeling what a respectful community looks like.

When we don't treat each other with common decency, the community falls apart.  It becomes the opposite of "great."  Therefore I offer to Mr. Trump and his opponents our basic elementary school rules for being part of a respectful community.  Gentlemen, my students as young as Kindergarten can understand and follow these rules most of the time so I promise you: you can do it.

1. Use a one-inch voice.  When you yell, it makes other people have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about you.  They feel stressed and stop hearing your words.  I know it sounds weird, but the more calmly and quietly you speak, the more others will listen.

2. Don’t step on other people’s words.  Interrupting is rude.  It annoys others.  Wait until it is your turn to speak.  No one can hear you anyway when more than one person is talking at once.

3. Keep it in your thought bubble.  No one can read your mind.  That means you can’t get in trouble for what you think.  You can, however, get into a world of trouble for what you say out loud. Think whatever you want, no matter how mean or rude or socially unacceptable it is, but don’t say it.  We call this having a filter.  

4. You don’t have to like everyone, but you do have to be respectful towards them.  Let’s be honest: no one is friends with everybody. That’s okay.  But it’s not okay to be mean to people you’re not friendly with. We want every person in our school/country to feel safe, welcome, and comfortable.  

5. Be a bucket-filler.  Bucket-fillers are people who make others feel good by being kind and thoughtful. Bucket-dippers say mean things and act selfishly.  No one likes to be around a bucket-dipper.

6. You can’t threaten anyone.  Ever.  That means ever.

7. Be responsible.  Being responsible means telling the truth even when it’s hard, admitting when you make a mistake, and apologizing if you’ve wronged someone.  Good citizens are responsible. I tell students that it’s “grown-up” to behave this way, even though that’s apparently now a lie.  Ironic.

8. Follow the Golden Rule.  You probably learned about the Golden Rule when you were younger.  It says, “Treat others the way you’d like them to treat you.”  If you don’t like it when people call you names or say your ideas are stupid or say you don’t belong here and should crawl back under the rock you came from, then you shouldn’t say it to them. This is doubly true for people you don’t like, who are weaker than you, or who you disagree with.  Why would we need a rule that tells us to treat only our friends nicely?  Answer: we wouldn’t. Captain Obvious is not the author of the Golden Rule.

In our school we have what’s called a “growth mindset.”  That means we believe that anyone can get better at anything---even things that seem impossible---with practice and determination. Like any little-used muscle, your respect muscle will grow stronger with use.

Please do us all a favor and start exercising it. Little pitchers have big ears.